Constance Persephone

It’s my birthday and my brain just got delivered! All these years of trying to function without my prefrontal cortex, have been akin to Hell on Earth. I’m ready to ascend, just figuratively speaking. I have been joking about this day for the past 3 years and its finally here, and I feel…accomplished? I think that might be the right word to describe this feeling.

I know many of us joke about our decision-making ability and all the other fundamental life skills we stand to gain after turning 25, but I shit you not, about four weeks before my birthday I heard my conscience for the very first time, at least I think it was. When I would be in a conversation with someone or considering doing something, there was suddenly a voice that was different from my own echoing through my mind. She told me not to say whatever impulsive thing was on the tip of my tongue, and that sitting still in my chair would benefit me more that doing a meaningless task that was only going to distract me from my other responsibilities. I must say it felt wonderful to be so sure about what I should or shouldn’t do. I’m gonna name her Gillian, Gilly for short.

In the past, about five weeks ago, if I were in the same situation, I would spend so much time going back and forth in my mind arguing with myself about what I needed to do.

Heaven forbid I got asked a question about myself. The alarms in my mind would sound off and everyone would be in a panic. One department would pitch oversharing so we could be considered interesting, but nobody really wants you to randomly trauma dump. Besides, you lose your cool and mysterious edge this way. Another department pitches the idea to lie about all of it, so not only are you interesting, but then you don’t have to actually open up. They get into a disagreement with another department who reminds them lying is wrong but in situations like this a vague half-truth/half-lie would work. Answer the question in a very generic manner but omit personal details. A few other ideas are thrown around, but we usually pick one of two.

Option 1: Dodge the question. This doesn’t work all the time and depending on who you’re talking to they can tell you’re being dodgy. Crowded places with a lot going on (not my favorite places) work kinda okay for this. I usually just say “Huh?” Or “What?” Or whatever works in the moment to pretend I didn’t hear them, and after they repeat it, I play it off like I have no idea what they’re talking about, I’ve never done that thing, or whatever I need to indicate I have no frame of reference for what they’re talking about. Usually people get put off by this and may not wish to repeat themselves for a third time and see themselves out of the conversation. This is where busy places are useful because you can quickly find something to change the topic, or maybe they bump into another person and start talking to them instead.

If the place isn’t busy, I usually keep my attention mostly focused on myself or the task at hand. This does look kinda rude but if you are in a work setting you can really make this work for you and simultaneously build a reputation as a hard worker.

Option 2: Make it obvious you don’t feel comfortable answering the question. You can be a little awkward during this interaction, or you could play it up if you wish. Channel your inner Bella Swan and look tot eh ground while you tuck some hair behind your ear and try to hold your cringe. Give them a partial answer of two to three words and no more than seven. If you’re lucky and are talking to someone with enough EI to get the hint you should be okay. But if they don’t, you have to be a brave individual and kindly say “I’m not comfortable talking about this”. Scary, I know.

I would generally avoid saying “right now” or “with you” as this can prolong the conversation and keep attention on you longer than you may want. They may inquire as to when would be a good time, and if not them, then who, and then why not them.

Let me remind you that all of this came about because someone asked me a simple question about myself.

But now that I have Gilly working the teleprompter, I don’t have to pick what I’m going to say or do, simply follow the carefully crafted script she’s prepared for me.

It’s only been a few hours with this new brain, and I’m feeling pretty good. Let’s hope it lasts.